Green Hornet vs Phil Neville

Last night I went to see the ‘Green Hornet’ movie with my good friend @PhoxUK, I was not expecting much as the internet was not giving great reviews but it has to be one of the most enjoyable films I have seen since ‘Hangover’. From start to finish I was transfixed in the world of Brett Reid and his struggle to make something of himself, unlike other movies in the superhero genre the Green Hornet is unconventional in that he starts his spree of vigilante action for his own enjoyment and wants to be seen as the bad guy to the public. I initially doubted Seth Rogen’s role when I heard of his involvement a year back but the films laugh out loud comedic undertones and Seth’s clumsy fighting style add a value to the movie that no other actor could have matched.  Another unusual aspect is the role of the villain Chudnofsky who I, despite being a right nutter, found myself warming to as he is as conscious about his age and lack of cool as would most men in there later years. Chudnofsky also has a massive resemblance to Everton captain Phil Neville which I could not shake during the film, I would go as far to say that this improved the film for me, I don’t know much about Phil Neville’s private life but should he be outed as a crime lord I would not be surprised.

The IT Guy and the Fly

I was sat at work just after lunch the point where I’m working slowly but pretending to work harder, I’ve perfected this concentrated face look that makes me look like I’m working something out. I sit on what the office calls a ‘pod’ of desks that holds up to 10 desks each with a PC, notepad and other work paraphernalia.

 

My colleague who sits opposite me was out at lunch when a large guy sat in her seat, I work in an office where the faces don’t change much so this was unusual, exciting even, who was this guy? I lost my mock concentrated face and replaced it with a stereotypically intrigued one, arched eyebrow, pouted lips, jilted neck, you know the look. I sneaked glances between working but he refused to give the eye contact that would initialise conversation and quell my curiosity. He had a USB stick, I assumed that he was an IT technician, on his tall bulky frame he wore a white Tesco value type of shirt, the ones with material so thin that you can see the nipples through them, glasses with thin metal frames sat atop his blotchy red cheeks. During my observations I noticed movement.

 

‘Alright mate, you’ve got a fly on you’ I blurted, pointing my eyes in the direction of the fly.

 

It was wandering just below his left shoulder, I don’t think he cared much but had to do something now I’d mentioned it, he brushed away the fly with his mouse hand –  the hand he was controlling the computer mouse with he didn’t have a mouse’s hand that would have been something I’d have definitely added when describing him. This fly, although brushed, remained on him and now sat on top of his shoulder, it was one of them rare flys that doesn’t fly away as soon as your about to hit it.

 

‘Its still there’, he swiped again, the fly now meandered over the horizon of his shoulder on to his back, ‘Erm… its on your back now’ this IT guy was visibly flustered and not happy that I’d stretched his social boundaries by talking to him.

 

‘Are you taking the piss?’ he asked.

 

‘No…’ I said looking around for back up, our encounter had gone unnoticed. I laugh nervously, ‘…it’s on your other shoulder now’ he looks annoyed at me as looks to his right shoulder.

 

Annoyed at me? How dare he? I’m trying to help this geezer out I know for damn sure that if I had an insect on me that I would want it off, my body is not a home for a weary caterpillar or an exhausted moth, get it off! The guy flapped around a bit and the fly got away, true to form, unnoticed.

We exchanged wry smiles and got back to work trying hard to be nonchalant, I glance back at him still eager to seek salvation from our somewhat soured relationship. I see a spider. Dangling from his ear. I turn back to my PC and start working properly.

Day Thirty – The Reveal

Day Thirty. Firstly, I apologise for the delay on this post, my last Wii Fit day was Saturday but have been far too busy to write this lot up. I have spent 30 days using the Wii Fit for half an hour a day, how do I feel? Great. How do I look? Better. I started this challenge very positive that I could completely change my body in 30 days, my quest was to do this with as little effort as possible, I followed the government’s recommended exercise time of 30 minutes a day.

Here are the results….  

Before Wii

 

After Wii

 

There you go, any thoughts? Yes your right, not very toned and still a little flabby but personally I’m very happy with the results and recommend anyone working out to do a before picture to keep a track of progress, it helps. To be completely honest, thirty days ago I secretly expected to have a model type body presenting itself in the mirror, as you can see this is not the case but I do not see this as a negative because it is obviously an unrealistic expectation, it’s not my fault, my mind has been marred by our quick fix society and constant get quick fit schemes on magazine covers, duh. The road I’ve taken over the past thirty days has involved highs and lows, I’ve detailed some of these below:   

Pro’s & Con’s 

Pro’s:  

Convenient (right there in my living room), getting me into exercise, simple quick exercises, I have a better body image, I have watched my weight and scores get better, my motivation has increased, I’ve been eating better, counts the length of your workout, you can set your own routines up, shows how to do the exercises, lots of choice.   

Con’s   

I have to share the TV/Living room, my girlfriend thinks I look like a tw*t, running on the spot hurts my calf’s, the trainer can be really annoying (doesn’t shut up), people accuse me of ‘doing a workout for old/pregnant people’, it can be hard to know if you’re doing the exercise right.   

Moving On   

The Wii is a very good starting point for people who want to get back into exercise or maintain a healthy lifestyle and I will continue to use it at the same rate that I have over the past thirty days. But. To correct the only gripes I have I will be buying a new TV, as soon as money will allow, so my girlfriend can watch her crappy TV upstairs and also I will use our running machine (one of them scissor machines) to complete the jogging sessions as this will not leave my calf’s and feet tender every time I do that exercise. I will blog about my future workouts from time to time and who knows maybe get the body I want. I’m really glad that I completed this challenge as it has got me on the road to getting exercise into my life and I also enjoy writing so will definitely be writing about another subject very soon. 

Thanks for reading! 

If anyone wants to contact me to discuss this workout further or for advice on using the Wii Fit I’d be glad to help, my email is reece2891 (at) hotmail.com.

The one before the last post

I’ll keep this short and sweet as I’m preparing for Day 30….. erm, that’s it.

Day Twenty Eight:  10 mins Run, 6 Torso Twists, 12 Press-ups, 60 second Plank, 30 Jackknives, 3 mins Super Hula Hoop, 20 Side Lunges

Day Twenty Nine: Well deserved night off! My body needed a rest.

There is no stick up my…..

Taken from www.alignmed.com

Not my picture but on Day 1 thats where I was

Days Twenty Five, Twenty Six & Twenty Seven.

When I started this challenge my centre of gravity (measured in the body test) was always in the right by about 10% and I honestly did not care. On the first test I adjusted my weight to get the red dot in the middle of the cross hair and was standing in what I felt was a ridiculously pompous manner, so a good posture was low on my list of things I care about, below grey squirrels. But 25 days in and the red dot is dead centre on the vertical line which shows my posture is improving, nice right, but what does that mean?

I went to the library, searched through many fitness, science and yoga books then came home and googled ‘posture’, this is what I found at livestrong.com:

“Your posture is important because: 1) it directly affects your health and fitness, 2) it sends a message about how you feel about yourself, and 3) good posture can make you appear taller, thinner and more at ease. Indeed, the term “slouch” refers to someone who is weak, indifferent or irresponsible. “Chin up!” is meant as a phrase of encouragement, but if taken literally it is also good advice about posture.”

Not bad huh? I do feel slimmer, stronger and also more positive and I’m not just saying this because of the above statement but more so my general feeling over the last 2 weeks, I am very happy with life indeed, so much so that I use words like indeed. So If you do see me walking around all grandiloquent I assure you now that there is no stick up this bum.

Day Twenty Five

5 mins Step Plus, 10 x Press Ups, 6 x Torso Twists, 20 x Sideways Leg Lift, 20 x Single Leg Twist, 60 second Plank, 10 x Side Lunge, 30 x Jackknives, 10 x Lunge, 10 x Single Arm Stand, 3 minutes Run

Day Twenty Six

5 mins Step Plus, 40 x Single Leg Twist, 20 x Sideways Lunge, 12 Press Ups, 60 second Plank, 3 mins Super Hula Hoop

Day Twenty Seven

5 mins Step Plus, 10 mins Run, 60 second Plank, 20 x Sideways Lunge, 30 x Jackknives, 20 x Single Leg Twist, 20 Sideways Leg Lift, 3 mins Super Hula Hoop

Look! Actual sweat

Day Twenty Four. I’m really stepping up the pace now, I really want this whole experiment to have worked, I can’t imagine the possibility of comparing the picture of myself from 30 days ago to my new photo and thinking, ‘Great, I look exactly the same’. 6 days left!

In a recent post I mocked a particular exercise on the Wii Fit but after a suggestion from a reader, @tamerofhope , I decided to give the Muscle Workout Challenge a  go, I really like doing jackknives so opted for that. I entered the bout dubious and, compared to Simon’s binary body, nervous about my athletic ability. The worry was needless. Simon gave up after 10 Jackknives, it appears I severely overestimated my foe. Simon should be aware that I can easily bash out 20 and he has even awarded me with the mantle *cough cough*, ’Muscle Legend’ so I was disappointed to find it so easy, thanks for trying to boost my confidence Simon but I do not need your pity!

Day Twenty Four:

5 mins Step Plus, 3 mins Super Hula Hoop, 6 x Press Ups, 12 x Torso Twists, 20 x Single Leg Twist, 30 seconds Plank, 20 x Side Lunge, 30 x Jackknives, 3 minutes Run

Grunt grunt

Days Twenty Two and Twenty Three. Well its late so I’ll keep this short and sweet, I have got match sticks keeping my eyes open but I just completed my 23rd session on the Wii Fit. My girlfriend had some friends over and I didn’t fancy flouncing around on the balance board in their presence, not the most manly of exercises I’ve found. My girlfriend hates me going on the Wii, she tells me that it is one of the most unattractive things that she has ever seen and to be honest I tend to agree. As a male I feel that I should be grunting away in the gym, pushing iron, feeling the burn, yeah maaaan all that testosterone, but like I said at the start of this experiment I’m lazy, I can’t be bothered with all that gym crap been there done that too much of a commitment. All I want out of this is to stay looking trim, I say stay but I mean become trim like I was a few years back, and if I have to sacrifice a fraction of my manliness then so be it, nobody need know….. right?

Day Twenty Two:

5 mins Step Plus, 10 x Press Ups, 6 x Torso Twists, 20 x Single Leg Twist, 20 x Sideways Leg Lift, 60 + 30 seconds Plank, 10 x Side Lunge, 30 x Jackknives, 10 x Lunge, 10 x Single Arm Stand, 3 minutes Run

Day Twenty Three:

5 mins Step Plus, 3 mins Super Hula Hoop, 12 x Torso Twists, 20 x Sideways Leg Lift, 15 x Side Lunge, 10 x Single Arm Stand, 20 x Jackknives, 20 x Tricep Extensions, 3 mins Run

Beef with Simon

Bad picture…… bad person

Day Nineteen & Twenty. Simon, my Wii trainer, is really starting to annoy me. My main gripe is his never-ending talking, the guy chats bubbles, there I am trying my hardest to prance around whilst balancing on one leg and he tells me my leg is shaking. It was not. But when my leg does start to tremble at the end of the workout he tells me my balance is excellent. It was not! There are also times when he says, with disappointment in his voice, “Don’t give up”, it really makes me feel like stopping and telling him sternly that I was not giving up but then he would win, I can’t have that, I’ve 9 days left of my challenge, 9 days left before I bare all again and compare my before and after pictures on this blog. Nice try Simon, nice try, I will not be beaten that easily. Simon also has these challenges in the muscle workout sections, the idea is that you compete against him to see who can do the most press-ups, jacknives, etc, I’m sure I will not be the first person to say ‘Simon you are a ******* computer, of course you can beat me, you are made up of millions of zero’s and ones and do not have or use muscles, even if I beat you it would be because you let me you goose!’.

Regardless of Simon’s bad attitude my workouts have been going well, I’ve been eating well too, except on Day Nineteen when I made peanut butter brownies with my kids, they were delicious (Homer drool) and I found the recipe on a WordPress blog.

Day Nineteen’s workout

5 mins of Step plus, 6 x Torso Twists, 2 x 60 second Plank (Parallel Stretch), 6 Pushups, 10 x Single Arm Stand, 20 Single Leg Twist, 20 Sideways Leg Lift, 10 x Side Lunge, 10 x Jackknives, 3 minute Run, 3 minute Hulahoops.

Day Twenty

5 mins of Step plus, 6 x Torso Twists, 60 second Plank (Parallel Stretch), 10 Pushups, 10 x Single Arm Stand, 40 Single Leg Twist, 20 Sideways Leg Lift, 10 x Side Lunge, 10 x Jackknives, 3 minute Run, 3 minute Hulahoops.

Day Eighteen

Simple post today, no time for pleasantries, oh okay if I must!

Hello…(insert answer here)… Are you well? …(insert answer here)… Ooh sounds sore you should get that checked out!

Day Eighteens workout….

5 minutes on Step Plus,  10 reps of the Single-Arm Stand, 10 reps of Push-Up and Side Planks, 40 reps of Single Leg Twists, 10 Jackknives, 20 Tricep Extensions, 2 x 60 second Plank, 20 reps of Sideways Leg Lifts, 6 reps of Torso Twists and a 3 minute jog.

When life got in the way

A fine pastry with a delicious pork centre not forgetting the side salad

 

Days Fifteen, Sixteen and Seventeen.  I have a confession to make… the workouts on days 15 & 16 consisted of : 

A 1 x Nandos, 1 x night at the pub with work friends, 1 x fun day with my 2 kids, 1 x DVD, 1 x chinese takeaway, 2 x pints of lager, 1 x night at the pub with my girlfriend, 3 x Mario Kart, 1 x greasy sausage roll and lots of sitting down. 

Just a minor setback I tells yer… a minor setback! Sometimes these things happen, the important thing is to carry on and not let this affect my future fitness! 

I jumped back on the balance board yesterday (Day Seventeen) and, expecting the worst, weighed myself, I’d put on half a bag of sugar… I mean 1 lb, not bad considering my near heroic eating over the weekend. I completed my workout and feeling slightly inquisitive because of a tweet from @sisiwami I checked out the rest of the Wii Fit Plus menus and found many more Wii Fit games and more interesting lots of ready-made workout routines. The routines are definitely worth a look through and are put into categories that enable you to choose what you want out of your workout, I chose a workout to give me a youthful body (hmm?) and it entered me into the realms of Yoga again but my body liked it a lot more now my strength has increased. I completed the ‘Tree’ and the ‘Half Moon’ and did feel better for doing them. 

My BMI is currently 24.54 and I’m exactly 12 and a half stone. Day Seventeen’s workout consisted of: 

5 minutes on Step Plus, 6 reps of Torso Twists, 10 reps of Push-Up and Side Planks, 20 reps of Single Leg Twists, 10 Jackknives, 60 second Plank, 20 reps of Sideways Leg Lifts, 10 reps of the Single-Arm Stand and I finished off with the Half Moon and Tree in the Yoga section.